Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
