Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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