watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
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Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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