did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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