I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
