you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
