sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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