Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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