You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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