I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
