she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
