Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
