I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
