saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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