Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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