Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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