; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
