he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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