you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
