nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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