i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
