Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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