so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
