i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
