Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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