I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
