Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
