Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
