you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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