Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
