Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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