omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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