I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
