make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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