Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Someone shit on the floor
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
