Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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