Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
