its not stalking. its research.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
