my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
