Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
