Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
