I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
