This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
