fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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