You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We don't watch enough power rangers
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
