I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
