I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
