There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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