Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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