Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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