The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
