can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
