Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
