Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
