It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
