I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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