I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
