You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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