he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Shame - the story of my life.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
