i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
