Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
