There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
