I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
