Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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