so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
