that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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